Give Me Back My Name

Dear Person Who Took My Name on Twitter and Linked to a Porn Site,

Yes, I know, I was stupid. I should have taken @LuisvonAhn years ago when I first signed up. But you have to understand, I didn't know Twitter would become such a big thing. I was just checking out reCAPTCHA on their registration page, and typed the first username that came to mind: @freakbit. (No comments, please.) Now, Twitter is big, I wanna start using it, and I am stuck with @freakbit. Would you consider giving the name back?

Sincerely,
The real Luis von Ahn

PS: Are you also the person who has the fake Luis von Ahn on Facebook? If so, please give that back as well! I won't accept your friend request.

Update: People from both Twitter and Facebook were super helpful, so now I have @LuisvonAhn as my Twitter name, and there is no more FB impersonator :)

Bored: Need Some Scandalous Gossip

Many people have emailed asking why I haven't posted on this blog for a while. Well, here's why: I've been busy working on a bunch of things including a super duper secret project. I have a big mouth, so I best not say anything else.

I'm now taking a little break and I need some entertainment. I tried the TV but there was nothing good. Soooo... how about we try this: readers, use the handy anonymous comment box below to tell the world and me some gossip. Now, this gossip should be maximally entertaining to me, so here are the rules: (1) It should be juicy. (2) It should be related to computer science or technology in general. (3) Extra points if it has to do with CMU or any university. Let's see what you got.

Advice On Grad School Applications

Research statements, recommendation letters, GREs. 'Tis the season again for grad school applications. To save all the kiddies from embarrassment and rejection (which typically implies you'll just end up making more money at some tech company), I decided to write a list of DOs and DON'Ts to follow when writing your application. Perhaps the sage readers will have more advice in the comments.

1. DON'T start your research statement with a quote from Albert Einstein. You may think that's a good idea, but so do the other 50% of the applicants. Hell, don't start it with any quote, unless it's from something like Gossip Girl. XOXO.

2. DON'T say you've wanted to be a professor since you were 4 years old. We won't believe you. When you were 4, you either wanted to be a policeman, an astronaut, or a firefighter. Admit it.

3. Computer Science is a field with many fads. Therefore, DON'T say you want to do research on genetic algorithms, or expert systems. Those are so 1980s. DO say you want to work on algorithmic game theory, cloud computing, or green computing.

4. DON'T have your recommenders write that you are "from a good family." Unless that family has a Turing Award or two, we don't care.

5. DON'T say you have a proof that P != NP and that you will only show it to us if we admit you. We may have admitted a guy like that once, but this mistake will not be repeated, so come up with your own gimmick.

6. DON'T start your statement with "respected sirs." There are women in the faculty too, you know.

7. DO mention the name of a professor that you want to work with, but make sure the professor is still alive.

8. DON'T have a "recommender loop" in which you write a recommendation letter for somebody that is writing a recommendation letter for you. At least make the cycle of longer length to confuse us a bit.

9. DO read over the version of the application that you submit to each school after doing a find-and-replace for the school name. Typos can creep up -- "I've always wanted to go to MIT, because the Barkeley faculty are the best."


XOXO.

Serious Damage to Health

So apparently this was run as an ad for Johnny Walker in Central America. I should ask them to pay me! (The other page had my name on it.) The best is what it says at the bottom: "Causes serious damage to health."

Choosing a New Department Head

Our computer science department is currently in the process of choosing a new department head. Since we're academics, no decision can be simple so the faculty has come up with a complex procedure that may involve a committee, campaigning, multiple rounds of voting, a dance-off, and a conclave.

One of the steps is for every professor to write an essay saying what they think should be done to improve the department. Below is mine:

Dear Colleagues,

After careful analysis of the academic landscape, I am convinced the most important thing for Carnegie Mellon University is to build its social network. I believe our research, students and faculty are of the highest caliber, but I believe our social network lacks high-powered and famous individuals. Having such people associated with us will make our university more well-known and will grow our endowment. I propose a simple three-step plan to improve our connections:

1. Spend one year's worth of operating budget to buy a house in the Hamptons, where rich and influential people have homes. This one would do.

2. Force Ryan O'Donnell, Anupam Gupta, and Luis von Ahn to spend their summers there.

3. With their charm, these three professors would befriend all their high-powered neighbors and convince them that Carnegie Mellon is awesome.

I hope the next department head has the vision and audacity to carry out this fool-proof plan.

Email FAQs

1. Why has the frequency of your blog posts decreased?
I'm currently too busy to come up with anything intelligent to say :(

2. Will you review this paper for me?
See #1 above. I love you though.

3. Why are you so busy?
Yep... see #1.

Just a Link

Linking to the Official Google Blog Post. Google Acquires reCAPTCHA.